Readme.txt

I have a Flash Disk with a bunch of little portable apps on it that I find handy. I have a bad habit of dropping or misplacing it though.

A friend found it for me in a parking lot and deduced that it belonged to me (thanks, Peter!) He recommended that I write a README file for it, just in case it gets lost again.

So I wrote this:


README.txt
/************************************
Last updated 2010-03-15
************************************/

8isEnough - an eight-gigabyte flash drive.

This README file is © 2010 Jason Friesen xxx@xxxxxx.xxx

Thank you for finding 8isEnough. Apparently, despite efforts to hang onto it, I've managed to misplace it. Again.

This drive contains a bunch of handy applications for Mac and Windows that I find useful. It's always distressing when I misplace it.

/************************************
Directions for use.
************************************/

DO NOT USE.

Really. Any file on here may very well be infected with any number of virii, trojans, spyware, malware, and all kinds of nastiness. See "Known issues".

The safest thing you can possibly do is pop it in the post for me. You could drop it off at any college campus and have them send it to me via inter-campus mail. My work address is:

<redacted>

If it's easier, you could post it to me at home at:

<redacted>

/************************************
Known issues.
************************************/

Files and applications on this drive are known to have the following issues. (They probably have many more than are listed here).

It will:

- Translate your documents into Swahili
- Make your TV record "Gigli"
- Neuter your pets
- give your laundry static cling
- make your computer screen freeze
- Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs
- Erase your hard drive and your back-ups too, and the hard drive of anyone related to you
- make all the paint peel off your walls
- make your keyboard all sticky
- Give your poodle a hickey
- invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney
- tie up your phone making prank long distance calls
- set your clocks back an hour
- start hogging the shower
- give you a permanent wedgie
- Legally change your name to Reggie
- mess up the pH balance in your pool
- melt your face right off of your skull
- make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
- tell you knock-knock jokes while you're tryin' to sleep
- make you physically attracted to sheep
- Steal your identity and your credit cards
- Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards
- cause a major rift in time and space
- leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place

If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born
So before it e-mails your grandmother all of your Porn,

Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down
Drop it in a 43-foot hole in the ground
Bury it completely, rocks and boulders should be fine
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were alive

And send this flash drive to Jason Friesen (see "Directions for use").

(list compiled by Al Yankovic in the document "Virus Alert")
/************************************
Usage License:
************************************/

This drive contains a variety of files and products with a variety of licenses. Jason Friesen makes no claims towards their suitability for any purpose. In fact, using anything on here (except this README file) is most likely to completely destroy any computing device with which it is used.

Really. Don't use this. Just send it back to me, okay?

--------
Jason Friesen xxx@xxxxxx.xxx

About README files
Sample Readme file

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